Big and small are a matter of scale, of what I know, of what I compare it with.
Depending on what I know, and how much of this world I experienced, my problems are the biggest in the world to me. It could be because I’m egocentric sometimes. But my fears and troubles, in the way I feel them are the biggest in the world, at that moment. Of course, as I grow older, I get other kinds of big troubles and the old ones seem so small compared to this ones.
When I couldn’t follow my dreams in art school it was the end of my wishes. Everything I wanted was to become an artist. I felt that so strong that anything besides that was murder of my ideals. That passed by and so was it with my teenage love story for not having it. Then so was the idea of running away from home, then the lost of love (had it that time) again when I thought that the world is going to end. Everything was the biggest of its time and knowledge.
And now I’m getting married with a wonderful girl, living the best of my years yet. So I guess there was no end, only my mind made it so at the moment. But I sure felt it so real. Will I be able to take this as a lesson for future events or just live the fears again?
As we grow, big matters change but our mind somehow stays the same. When we’re small and hurt our knees is a great matter. Again with love, then with our career, finding a “perfect” partner for life, making a family, overcoming troubles with kids who are growing and having troubles of their owns, wondering about kids in the world living in hunger, getting retired and filling time, finding meaning in what you did and are doing and so on…
And I sit wondering -sometimes- what will the biggest problems of my future time be and how to best welcome them since there’s no use or chance in avoiding them.